Past
by CassielT
Summary: Takes place in the FFI after Kageyama's death. Kidou is troubled by his death and Sakuma doesn't know how to help him.


Past

_Hey everyone. So my first IE fic with my favorite pairing. Please don't mind my writing and the mistakes. Even though I try really hard, I'm not a native speaker so I make mistakes easier. But apart from that: Enjoy_

_Oh and right, to my own disappointment, I do not own Inazuma Eleven or any characters. The only thing that's mine is the idea. _

_ ~ Cassiel_

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><p>Sakuma was sitting at the rim of the field looking into the blue sky above. His hair nearly touched the ground as he leaned back. He had made it. His hard training brought him into the national team and by now even made him a Regular. It had surprised him first that the other players took him in so nicely. After all they were still rivals seeing that the smallest mistake could get them out of the team. But by now he understood what Endou Mamoru's soccer meant. What being in in a team like Inazuma Japan meant. It was all about friendship and trust and that was something the forward really cherished.<p>

When he heard a loud whistle, Sakuma sat up. His team mates were all looking at Kidou who was standing in the middle of the field, a horrified look on his face. Sakuma stood up and rushed to their managers.

"What happened?"

"Onii-chan just missed his third pass", Otonashi-san answered.

"I wonder what's on his mind that distracts him so much." When he heard Kino-san's words a thought came to his mind.

"I think I know."

"Huh, what do you mean Sakuma-kun?" But he ignored the question and just kept looking at his former captain. After training was over, Coach Kudou called Kidou over. When passing them Sakuma heard his friend say:

"I'm fine. Just a bit tired. Yes I know that…" Then he reached the dressing rooms and the closing door cut of Kidou's voice.

One after another his fellow team mates left the room. There were only Kazemaru, Hiroto and Gouenji left. Latter opened the door, when Kidou came in. He stopped for an instant when he saw them. "Sakuma are you coming", Hiroto asked but when he shook his head no and pointed to Kidou they left.

First neither the forward nor his best friend said a word. But when Kidou was about to grab his stuff and leave, Sakuma opened his mouth.

"Are you all right Kidou? You seemed somehow distracted a while ago." Even though the goggles hid his eyes Sakuma was sure that his friend had closed them for a moment.

"Of course, I just haven't slept very well. Don't worry about me."

"But I do. We're friends. You don't have to lie to me. Do you really think I wouldn't notice?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know, when I heard about Kageyama's death", Kidou winced when Sakuma mentioned the name, "I was shocked at first, but then I felt a shadow lifting from my shoulders. I was so relieved that it was finally over." Kidou's arms were hanging by his side and his head was bent down.

"Why are you telling me this? As you said it's over." Sakuma made a step and was standing now directly in front of the other boy.

"Cause I know it's different for you. Kageyama was more a father for you than anyone else. And even if he betrayed you this won't change."

"You're thinking too much Sakuma. How could I possibly miss someone like Kageyama?"

"You called him 'Commander' just after his death. Doesn't sound like you're done with the whole thing."

"Enough! Stop that nonsense!"

"I saw you playing today. You missed three passes in one training. That isn't like you."

"I'm fine." And with that the other boy took his bag and left the room.

"Kidou", Sakuma cried after him but the former Teikoku captain was already gone.

* * *

><p>The next days went by very slowly. Kidou avoided him whenever he was able to and Sakuma on the other hand tried desperately to talk to him. He noticed that his friend was trying hard to concentrate while training and with the upcoming Italy match it was more than necessary to do so.<p>

Sakuma slept worse and worse. He knew that Kidou was troubled by Kageyama's death and that he wasn't feeling well. But he would never say so let alone take Sakuma's help. And even if he would, the forward had no idea how to help him.

Right now Sakuma was once again standing in front of the window in the middle of the night. Everyone else was sleeping but he had to think about the nightmare that woke him. It had been about Kidou but as hard as he tried, Sakuma was not able to remember what had happened. He sighed and began to turn around again when he noticed light coming from one of the soccer fields. Following a sudden feeling the forward quickly dressed and quietly left the house. When he got closer he saw a figure standing in front of him, his back facing Sakuma, and breathing heavily. At least two dozen balls were lying around the goal. Most of them outside of it. The other guy didn't notice him yet. With a loud scream he kicked the ball in front of him to the goal. It hit the goal post and rolled into the shadows at the rim of the field. His shoulders were shacking, sending waves through the red cape that was hanging down his back. Sakuma wanted to go closer and nearly stepped on a pair of goggles that were lying on the floor. He picked them up. "Kidou…" His friend turned around. Tears glanced in his red eyes. In those beautiful eyes the play maker showed so rarely. When Kidou recognized his friend, he hastily wiped his eyes and straightened his shoulders. He cleared his throat. "Sakuma, what are you doing here?"

"Same question for you."

"I was thinking."

"You can talk to me Kidou. You know that, right?" The other boy nodded and was about to turn around when he suddenly stopped and let himself fall to his knees. Sakuma slowly kneeled down in front of him.

"Kidou, you can't go on like this."

"I know. But I don't know what to do. You were right Sakuma. I can't stop thinking about Kageyama and I hate myself for this. I was so sure that when I was able to win against him everything would change and be fine again. But now there is this whole inside me. For the past I always feared that he would come back. That my past would catch up to me. But now… I know that I should be feeling relieved rather than sad and helpless. But knowing that he finally found his real soccer again and that he helped detective Onigawara with his information about Garshield I just can't hate him. And I feel as if I betrayed you, Fudou and whole Teikoku."

" You betrayed no one Kidou. I told you before that it is different for you and every single person from your former team would agree with me. Or do you think Genda, Henmi or anyone else wouldn't stand behind you?" Kidou's eyes were once again filled with tears and he slowly leaned his head against Sakuma's shoulder.

"Sorry, just for a moment." The forward froze and his heart started beating so fast, that he was afraid Kidou could hear it. He was hiding his feelings now for so many years, that he had learned to control himself. But it was difficult in situations like that. Hesitantly Sakuma wrapped his arms around him. Kidou lifted his head slightly in surprise but then allowed Sakuma to hug him. "It's going to be fine. You just need to sleep a bit."

When Kidou moved and sat straight again, Sakuma couldn't say how much time had passed. The other boy looked a bit embarrassed and when a slight blush appeared on his cheeks, the forward's heart skipped a beat.

"Thank you. It was good to talk with someone."

"I'm glad it was me."

"Well, you're my best friend after all. Even if I like Endou and the others, I was really disappointed when you weren't picked for the National team. It's good to know that someone is concerned about my problems. And it's nice to see that you know me so well." Sakuma blushed and hugged Kidou again.

"Huh, Sakuma…"

"Thanks for telling me. I'm glad you feel that way." After a short moment surprise, Kidou began to laugh. It felt good to be with him like that. To talk and laugh together. And for a moment it felt like they were still part of Teikoku and nothing had happened.

"We should go sleeping. Coach Kudou is going to kill us if we oversleep."

"And whose fault do you think would that be, heh?"

"Point taken Sakuma." They laughed again.

The boys went in glad that no one saw them. Sakuma doubted that their Coach would be very pleased to see them out of bad at this time. After wishing his fellow team mate a good night, Sakuma went to his room and fell asleep immediately after going to bed.

* * *

><p>"-kuma, Sakuma!" A slight pressure on his shoulders and a demanding voice woke him.<p>

"Just a few more minutes, please"

"Come on Sakuma. It's breakfast time and everyone's waiting." The boy slowly opened his eyes only to look into a pair of goggles. Being fully awake now, Sakuma sat up.

"Kidou, what are you doing here?" The other boy was fully dressed.

"Well as I said everyone's waiting. Seeing that I am probably at fault for you oversleeping, I came to wake you. Sorry, I didn't know you were so tired." The smaller boy pointed at Sakuma. The bluehead looked down at himself and blushed. He still wore the cloth he had put on before leaving the house last night.

"Oh, I think – I forgot to change." Kidou gave him the warm-hearted smile the other boy loved so much.

"Just put on your training suit."

"Yes, I'll be down in a few minutes." There was an awkward silence when Sakuma waited for Kidou to leave the room. And Kidou wasn't really sure what to do. Finally he cleared his throat and stepped back.

"We'll meet downstairs."

"Yeah, I'll hurry", the forward answered and blushed even more.

The other players were almost finished with breakfast when Sakuma entered the dining room.

"Oi, Sakuma! Where have you been? Come and sit here!" He looked at his captain with a suspicious look. It was the first time Endou really noticed him. When they had talked in the past it would have been only because the captain had business with Kidou. Uncertainly Sakuma looked to the other side of the room where his best friend was sitting. But when the keeper called him again, Sakuma sighed and headed towards him.

"Good morning Endou. I'm sorry I overslept a little."

"Well I guess it's fine if you're not tired anymore." Sakuma smiled and tried hard not to yawn. Before he could even start eating, everyone got up and went outside. The forward sighed again and followed them reluctantly.

* * *

><p>Training was hard. The Coach had planned to train till the afternoon without making any breaks. Having slept very little and getting more and more hungry, Sakuma got more and more inattentive. Shortly before Coach Kudou released them from training, the bluehead even bumped into Kidou when trying to catch a pass. They both fell down and Sakuma hastily bowed his head and apologized. "It's alright", the midfielder said amused, while helping his friend up again.<p>

"You don't have to apologize. After all I didn't let you sleep. So it's my fault you're not concentrated." "So you noticed. Of course you did", Sakuma murmured. And then: "Don't let Coach here you say that." Kidou smiled.

"I won't. We're free now. Let's walk a bit around the island after showering. You have to wake up." Sakuma could have drowned in that smile but he forced himself to look down and nod.

"So, any plans where you wanna go", Sakuma asked half an hour later when they were meeting in front of the house.

"What time is it now?"

"Wait a second. I'll check." The forward reached into his pocket, taking out his cellphone. The various little penguin pendants jingled quietly. Kidou chuckled when he saw them.

"What is it?"

"Nothing." Sakuma looked at him closely but when his friend just continued smiling, he opened his cell. "It's nearly six." Kidou frowned.

"All the good stores are closed by now. Let's just take a walk at the beach before dinner."

"Fine with me."

The beach was empty when the two boys got there. A little breeze was going and small waves rolled to the shore. Sakuma took Kidou's arm and pilled him closer to the water. "Come on, I wanna walk through the water." The forward quickly took of his shoes and let them fall into the soft, warm sand. "Ah, this feels really good after all this training", he said as the water whirled around his feet.

"Are you gonna leave your shoes here?"

"Yeah, we can pick them up later when we come back." They began to walk again.

"What do you think", the forward began after a while, "are we going to win against Italy?" Kidou thought about it for quite some time.

"They are very strong. They have Fidio and with their captain being back their teamwork got even better. I don't think we are going to win against them easily."

"As if it was ever easy."

"Right."

"Kidou, are you ok again? You seem much better today." The play maker liked at him for a moment.

"Yeah I am. Maybe I'm starting to close that chapter."

"That's good." They sat down under a few trees a bit away from the water line.

"Going back to the question you asked me first, I think we have a chance." Sakuma had his legs drawn to his body and his arms around his knees.

"If it would be any other team", Kidou continues, "I would have doubts, but this team can do it. Even if we are different there is something about this team. Something I haven't even felt at Teikoku. It's fun playing with Endou and the others. And of course it's great playing with you again. You sure have improved a lot Sakuma. We all did. Seeing that we were able to do Kotei Penguin 3 with Fudou shows that." Without consciously wanting to do it, Sakuma had to smile. Kidou looked so passionate when he said that.

"I know what you mean. Endou even made me forgive Fudou for what he did to me. He has a great spirit and can motivate everyone. But as do you." Kidou looked at his friend in surprise.

"When you tell them your strategy, they'll do it. When you tell them they're strong and can win, they cheer up. You're a really great guy too."

"Sakuma…" The forward leaned closer to him and without thinking about it pressed his lips on the other boy's. Kidou froze and even when the other boy drew back immediately, he didn't move and just looked at him. Sakuma realized what he had done and blushed.

"I'm sorry Kidou. I don't know what came over me…"

"Since when", the play maker asked calmly. Totally confused by this calmness Sakuma stuttered:

"Since the first day we met. You really amazed me and even made me join the soccer club."

"Why didn't you tell me back then?"

"I tried a few times but realized pretty fast that you were only in love with soccer. So I decided to silently stay by your side which was enough 'cause I got to spent time with you. I was very happy when you started to treat me like a friend and trusted me. So when you told us you would stand against Kageyama I trusted you and stood behind you without any doubts. Even if we lost against Raimon that day it still was the best time I had at Teikoku. Everyone was enjoying the freedom we had. Certain that now we could win every game with our own soccer. After the match against Zeus it was quite the opposite. You know, I waited for you while lying in the hospital bed. Genda often told me that it was helpless, that you'd changed sides and left us alone. But I just couldn't believe that. Until the day Fudou came and told me you won the FF and happily played with your Raimon friends. The strongest team in Japan. Soon to become the strongest team on earth. He said you had no desire to come back to us. When he invited me to be a part of Shin Teikoku and become stronger than you, I accepted. I wanted to prove myself that I wouldn't need you anymore. But well, you saw what happened. Desperately trying to win and almost driving myself to suicide." Sakuma shook his head as if he wanted to leave the memories behind, and laughed.

"I had already given up on confessing to you a long time ago. But as it is now I might as well do so." The play maker raised an eyebrow.

"I love you Kidou." The midfielder smiled and gently pulled Sakuma into a kiss. After a moment of surprise the forward returned the kiss and Kidou could feel him smiling. When they parted again, he contently laid his head on Kidou's shoulder. The play maker looked at him.

"I think I love you too."

_Ok I hope it's better now^^ _

_Thanks so much for the reviews. I'm glad you liked it _

_ ~ Cassiel_


End file.
